Do you ever have those black days?
You know the ones were the world seems to be caving in around you and any light you’d been reaching out for you can’t even see any more let alone feel.
Those days were every inch of you is screaming;
“I can’t breathe”
“I can’t get out”
“I can’t do this any more”
You open your mouth and … nothing just nothing … the pain is eating you from the inside and you feel its enormous force pushing against every muscle and every fibre of your being but you can’t catch it, you can’t describe it, you can’t understand it. Even if you could find the words – how could you expect anyone else to comprehend that which you cannot understand yourself.
Those days were your body is like a prison your scrapping to get out of. Scratching at your skin, clawing at your soul, wanting to bleed just to let it all out and to feel, to feel something real, feel something that makes sense.
Something pulls you out just for a moment, a moment long enough to catch that distant glimmer of light again. You push the pain deep inside again, locking it all up tight, but you can’t pick or choose, along with the pain goes every feeling you’ve ever explored and your numb again. For a moment your relieved but you know the numbing silence inside will eat at you slowly surely before you do anything just to feel again and you fear that moment, fear that what you’ll let out, what you’ll feel will be those dark emotions that take over you like a wave of pain and that next time you won’t find that glint of light.
Yesterday was a black day.