Delusion

It’s not until I snap

Back into place

Realisation of my

Insanity takes face

Reflecting the actions

Moments ago

What felt real,  safe, controlled

Wild, turbulent sorrow

Painting life’s emotion

Evil delirium 

Finger sweeping paper

Rich, blood red medium

Delusions apparant

Artistic flare

Confusion,  panic, dread

Own lunacy laid bare

Sorry

I want to be selfish

Do what I need 

Not to have to think about

Others impact

Allow my own colapse 

Feeling it all

Embrace every sting

Finally give in

Sink into emptiness

Rest my thoughts

Be still in every way

Fly free, free from

Crushing eternal pain

I don’t want to

If I could stop I would

I see anguish

Glazed across your eyes

Learn to accept

I am that suffering

Whichever route I take

Reality 

Lost grasp of reality  

Someone else pulls the strings  

Mind out of focus 

Confusion and anguish clings 

Endless whispers of loathing

Weaknesses magnify

Real or a nightmare?

Painful truth etched across thigh

No trust for own perceptions 

Speak intelligent lies

Each thought deceitful

Camouflage desparate cries 





I’ll Call for You

What can I do?

You ask; how can I help?

I try but I don’t know

Tell me you care

No matter what I throw;

You’ll always be there

Grasp my hand

Wrapped arm, squeeze me tight

Attempt to understand

What can I do?

You ask; how can I help?

There’s one thing I beg you

Don’t assure me

What you can’t deliver

Better to let me be

Too deep right now

Unable to let go

Broken promise; too low

What can I do?

You ask; how can I help?

Be ready; I’ll call for you

 

Mum

The snowy night that you took breath

A million realisations

Understanding for the first time

Love for ones own creation

I searched deep into your eyes

Smelt your sweet breath; heard your cry

Discovered perfect caramel skin

You  tasted gold, sweet lullaby

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Every cell falling deep in love

New, yet somehow familiar

It had surrounded me before

Who I was became clearer

You’d taught me Mum, adoration

The moment you held me close

I stared into your blue moon eyes

I felt loved from head to toes

 

 

Unworthy

The more you seek help 

The more you discover your alone

Every knock back

Reinforcing those dark thoughts

Chanting endless deprication

Every mistake

Resulting from uselessness

Confirming your inadequacy 

Every let down

Of course is well deserved

Entirely your own fault

Every pain

Completely self-defined

Your own miserable doing

Didn’t try hard enough

Didn’t ask for right support

Didn’t explain clearly

Didn’t self-care

The more you need help

The more you feel your unworthy

Poetry; Voice of The Unheard

I longed for a voice

A route to express

Overwhelming emotions

Opportunity to address

A moment to confess

 

Teeth tightly clenched

Sound caged within

Every fear and dream restrained

Life stories etched across skin

Difficult to begin

 

Sound waves were silenced

Re-routed to hand

Words upon paper flow free

Dancing rhymes; minds internal band

Now do you understand?